I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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