I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
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I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
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He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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