I faked an abortion last night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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