the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im holly from the hills drunk
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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