so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
