I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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