FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
