oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
