i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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