perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
