the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
