remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
