shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
