your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
