That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You dont lie about slip and slides
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
