sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
