you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In other news, I just burned my penis
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
