I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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