I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
