at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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