I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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