Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
