i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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