Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
