so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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