I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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