Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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