Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
