Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
