Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
