I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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