I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
