she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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