Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
