He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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