it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
