Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
