PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
