Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
