I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
