About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
