I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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