ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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