i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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