i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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