they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
