but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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