I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize