Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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