8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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