I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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