whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
