Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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