Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
