He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
