I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize