Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
