I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
birth control should be required to get into college
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
