I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
