Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
