if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
