Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone signed my nipple.
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