a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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