It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
