I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
