I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
