last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
