One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
