I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
