I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk is not a location!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
