a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
