Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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