there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
